Netflix Acquires Seth Rogen – Well, Sort Of

Seth Q. Rogen has entered into a lifetime deal to transfer full ownership of his personal autonomy to Netflix, Inc.

Rogen is the celebrated writer/actor/director of films Superbad, Pineapple Express and Sausage Party.

Rogen was first discovered by acclaimed producer and director Judd Apatow for his television series Freaks and Geeks, an interaction Seth insists he does not remember. He is also the winner of awards such as the MTV Movie Award for “Best Jawdropper.”

“I have known Seth for many years,” said senior Netflix development executive Jareth Chumley, who said the deal came together after a wrap party in late 2017. Upon overhearing Rogen remark that he would “sell my soul for a fuckin’ enchilada right now,” the deal concept was struck. “In the end, we settled on a price a little higher than a standard Chili’s To-Go entree,” said Chumley.  “But I’ll be damned, not by that much.”

Rogen responded in kind. “As a general rule, I don’t really ‘read’ anything before I sign it,” he said when asked about the deal. “That’s what Danny is for, he handles that for me, mostly.” He gestured toward an elderly man in a poncho sleeping on the couch behind him. “Hey Danny!” he shouted but was unable to wake his senior contract advisor. “I really hope he didn’t fuck this up. He’s the reason that Zach and Miri Make a Porno exists.”